Letter To X...


Another nightmare last night...I couldn't sleep, I walked around cranky and start to pick up of X on Twitter...it is true that the "vote every hour for the most devotate fans" advert annoyed me to death and stir everything inside me. I love X and I hate them equal with same passion. I grew up believing in the power of individuality, in the beauty of unique and in living stream of Rock'n Roll . I don't know which failed who...was it X becoming rather a Philharmonic Quintet than a heavy metal band or us...for still living stubbornly in the golden era of X...yes of X...it is like this, with grief and nostalgia we refer to X Japan...

who used to be the bold, the best...the extravagant outrageous beautiful, the ones who dared...the ones who challenged...the ones who ROCKED OUR WORLD!...who are you guys? after a lifetime I don't know you anymore...my family, my teachers...most dearest friends. Toshi...you the pillar of X, the one whom just like Atlas the Titan holding the world globe on his shoulders, you've held X destiny with your strong hands, supporting it, watching it grow...helping building it from scratch.

How can you find in your heart to watch it on 2nd place over ruled by some kids music, which DO NOT TRANSMIT ANY PARTICULAR MESSAGE...BUT THEY LEARN TO PLAY WITH VISUAL...they do not sound better...but they have guts...yes they do, they believe in themselves in what they do, and this empowers them...the band helps them a lot separate them and they are nothing...but you...they say you're voice is fading...I say is crap!

Toshi will always be the singer we love...if Toshi wants, if Toshi believes in himself as we believe in him...yes! I know that songs like I'll Kill You or Stab Me In The Back are not performed anymore cause being the fastest musical scores ever wrote for X it will necesit over use of skill...and what ? you think you can't do it anymore ? why? cause TAIJI and HIDE are gone ?...you're wrong! yes you can! you have best people to support the dream you help creating...have you ever listen SUGIZO in Luna Sea concert ?

HE IS DAMN GOOD! that man is pure Rock breathing, spreading...transmitting, in Luna Sea...because there he is himself! he could NEVER REPLACE ANYONE in X cause he is unique, and magnificent in his own way and during years he developed a high quality self stile...a true V Kei in all respects...use him...challenge his skils with complicate and twisted, hard rock, head banging, madness written songs...HE CAN TAKE IT! WE BELIEVE IN SUGIZO,

in his talent, free will and spirit...PATA...brother...friend! you, the one I admire so much, the last standing rebel of the golden era of X...I look at you and wonder how you cope with the new status of X Japan, is all so letargic, so soulless so not sounding like the band who re-wrote the youth values, the musical trends...the clothing as self developing own expression, I see you sinking in the quick sands of melancholia...snap out ! YOU ARE STILL A BADASS ROCKER !

you've always been one, even before being an X member, you had dreams and high goals and you brought with you passion and commitment to a cause which become yours, straight to a dream we've build together...is it all forgotten ? did the fire of Rock lit off in your heart too ? look at HEATH, he is young and bold, and eager to achieve more...just like you were once, remember those days when in the beginning of X you all glued together the lables on VHSs and rolled the movie tape by hand on the tape role ?...remember when you were too poor for HILTON and Plazza or whatever expensive hotel and you all used to share,room, food...the good and bad ? that feeling, those dreams...when you comunicate so good with each other, going "All for X,All as one!" in the same musical direction ?

the "will" which once motivate you all...is it still there? it must be, tough fading it must be still lit in your heart...please return to us those days of glory , Rusty Nail, Silent Jealousy, Say Anything...Art Of life, Kurenai... those songs are among best ever wrote for X, but you guys can do even better than that, year by year you amaze us with endurance in the musical field against odds, against trends, against cliche...against even your own nature . I personal think that music has no age, and Rock is stil "Musical Fire Water" even if performed at 52' as was performed in youth at early 20s...

I believe so much in X that I even tried for years to cope with the classical side but...WE WANT MORE...because we know...NO...WE BELIEVE that YES YOU, ALL OF YOU CAN DO MORE! You have still lots to express in Music, in Art...in Rock! people haven't heard yet the BEST OF X...because it is yet to be written...Yoshiki...WAKE UP! you're not the only one in pain, suffering for the loss of TAIJI...crying over HIDE...I DO...WE DO SAME, BUT WE CHOSE TO STAND...

I sometimes feel so guilty cause I can dream about him...that I see HIDE smiling, that he walks with me, that I...the one who haven't lived a lifetime with him...knows HIDE better than you...that in my dreams, in my heart he lives on, transmitting same fortifying energy, same joy impulse...same naughty-playful mode. I felt sad when I read your twit "call me HIDE..." you wrote...you can't see him not cause he's not there, but because you wrap your soul in sadness, in regrets...in melancholia,

you've become in time your own enemy, you're sabotaging yourself...poor soul...have you forgotten whom you are too? where is that boy whom just like David challenged the giant Goliath with a piece of rock, had challenged the world with a pair of drum sticks?

You...the one who crawled in pain but always stood up, you the one who always carry on with the show regardless health problems...You...the one who teach us that nothing is impossible, that we can climb the Highest Mountain, that the strongest weapon a man can have is free will...YOU THE ONE WE ADMIRE THE MOST, THE ONE WE FOLLOW, THE ONE WE WISH TO BE ALIKE...what have you become ? who is this shadow, what have you done with our Yoshiki...that beautiful fool who mesmerized crowds with endurance, with Aesthetic Rock rhythm, and violent beauty...

if you chose not to stand up anymore than so will we! we'll lay with you on the pavement of music, as we are chained trough music one of another, but no matter how much you dive for self destruction I can't allow that...the day when you gave us X...it ceased to be your dream alone...YOU AND WE, have bond together to walk same path, I can't let you destroy X, because X is my life...our life, and I don't want to lose it. I love you with all heart...I love you enough to destroy whatever Yoshiki Hayashi has become so I can help Yoshiki the artist rebuild himself from scratch...and so REBORN, we can start again, and write together a new chapter in musical history. Almost 20 years of grief...ENOUGH!

let us not mourn anymore, let us celebrate their life not to stumble upon their departure any minute more...not to forget their existence in our lives...but to forgive ourselves that we go on living our dream in their physical absence. It is not your fault, neither your choice that they migrate toward other world. Stop cursing yourself ! by hurting you, we get hurt too...as WE ARE...ONE GOAL, ONE DESTINY!  If you can't stand any longer I will lend you my "will" , my spirit...my all!...I have walked in the valley of doubt too, and t often I've danced a macabre waltz with death. I'm far from being strong, but I'm eager to learn, to see, to experience more...

I've crawl toward X as wounded find of the wilderness crawls toward it's den at safety. I've let your music flowing in my veins, and I healed my crumbled soul into Endless Rain of Tears. I , too, bare scarce...maybe deeper than yours...I , too...fight daily with my own self longing for them...but not even death couldn't take away what they gave us. HIDE and TAIJI LIVE IN ME, IN YOU...IN OUR MEMORY,as long as we'd remember them.

It is time that together we try one more time to give this world something to remember, something to be unequaled trough ages, something they will once make stories for their children,about . I know there is more about Yoshiki than the Pianist or the Drummer...I never saw you as just a sexy body dude...is hilarious and irritating in same time to see how others value the Yoshiki I love, same they value a piece of meat in the market...

I love this tee so much :) 

you are more than that, you're wild like the wind blowing the Sakura petals, but soft like the summer rain in a sunny day, you stand tall like the Mountain although you're short of stature...You...you are the essence of music, and I feel your spirit stronger than everything I ever felt in my every cell. I can't let you go...I WON'T LET X FADE AWAY...after all in the end of the day I am still here for you, for X , for Rock, for HIDE, TAIJI, for myself and the others...for what WE STILL BELIEVE IN!. The only truth about yourself is that...YOU ARE A ROCK'N ROLLER, although GREATEST PIANIST EVER

...please, brother...friend...make the Rock of X more "Hard"...more "Metal" I long so much to hear a perfect blend with less classic and more reckless...more disdain, more challenging...higher speed, nearer to madness than ever, because this, this is what your heart told me,when our eyes meet in London. This is what you're longing for, tough you don't realize yet...than, maybe you could see him too, as he never left you

...if there is anyone for whom HIDE chose to stay, that would be you. Lend his power, bare his spirit inside you, and rise again,stronger than ever. Another battle is yet to be won! besides...you're not just anyone...you're not the milk man, or the post man...not even Snta Klaus although you look smashin' in red,

you are YOSHIKI OF X!