Letter To X...


Another nightmare last night...I couldn't sleep, I walked around cranky and start to pick up of X on Twitter...it is true that the "vote every hour for the most devotate fans" advert annoyed me to death and stir everything inside me. I love X and I hate them equal with same passion. I grew up believing in the power of individuality, in the beauty of unique and in living stream of Rock'n Roll . I don't know which failed who...was it X becoming rather a Philharmonic Quintet than a heavy metal band or us...for still living stubbornly in the golden era of X...yes of X...it is like this, with grief and nostalgia we refer to X Japan...

who used to be the bold, the best...the extravagant outrageous beautiful, the ones who dared...the ones who challenged...the ones who ROCKED OUR WORLD!...who are you guys? after a lifetime I don't know you anymore...my family, my teachers...most dearest friends. Toshi...you the pillar of X, the one whom just like Atlas the Titan holding the world globe on his shoulders, you've held X destiny with your strong hands, supporting it, watching it grow...helping building it from scratch.

How can you find in your heart to watch it on 2nd place over ruled by some kids music, which DO NOT TRANSMIT ANY PARTICULAR MESSAGE...BUT THEY LEARN TO PLAY WITH VISUAL...they do not sound better...but they have guts...yes they do, they believe in themselves in what they do, and this empowers them...the band helps them a lot separate them and they are nothing...but you...they say you're voice is fading...I say is crap!

Toshi will always be the singer we love...if Toshi wants, if Toshi believes in himself as we believe in him...yes! I know that songs like I'll Kill You or Stab Me In The Back are not performed anymore cause being the fastest musical scores ever wrote for X it will necesit over use of skill...and what ? you think you can't do it anymore ? why? cause TAIJI and HIDE are gone ?...you're wrong! yes you can! you have best people to support the dream you help creating...have you ever listen SUGIZO in Luna Sea concert ?

HE IS DAMN GOOD! that man is pure Rock breathing, spreading...transmitting, in Luna Sea...because there he is himself! he could NEVER REPLACE ANYONE in X cause he is unique, and magnificent in his own way and during years he developed a high quality self stile...a true V Kei in all respects...use him...challenge his skils with complicate and twisted, hard rock, head banging, madness written songs...HE CAN TAKE IT! WE BELIEVE IN SUGIZO,

in his talent, free will and spirit...PATA...brother...friend! you, the one I admire so much, the last standing rebel of the golden era of X...I look at you and wonder how you cope with the new status of X Japan, is all so letargic, so soulless so not sounding like the band who re-wrote the youth values, the musical trends...the clothing as self developing own expression, I see you sinking in the quick sands of melancholia...snap out ! YOU ARE STILL A BADASS ROCKER !

you've always been one, even before being an X member, you had dreams and high goals and you brought with you passion and commitment to a cause which become yours, straight to a dream we've build together...is it all forgotten ? did the fire of Rock lit off in your heart too ? look at HEATH, he is young and bold, and eager to achieve more...just like you were once, remember those days when in the beginning of X you all glued together the lables on VHSs and rolled the movie tape by hand on the tape role ?...remember when you were too poor for HILTON and Plazza or whatever expensive hotel and you all used to share,room, food...the good and bad ? that feeling, those dreams...when you comunicate so good with each other, going "All for X,All as one!" in the same musical direction ?

the "will" which once motivate you all...is it still there? it must be, tough fading it must be still lit in your heart...please return to us those days of glory , Rusty Nail, Silent Jealousy, Say Anything...Art Of life, Kurenai... those songs are among best ever wrote for X, but you guys can do even better than that, year by year you amaze us with endurance in the musical field against odds, against trends, against cliche...against even your own nature . I personal think that music has no age, and Rock is stil "Musical Fire Water" even if performed at 52' as was performed in youth at early 20s...

I believe so much in X that I even tried for years to cope with the classical side but...WE WANT MORE...because we know...NO...WE BELIEVE that YES YOU, ALL OF YOU CAN DO MORE! You have still lots to express in Music, in Art...in Rock! people haven't heard yet the BEST OF X...because it is yet to be written...Yoshiki...WAKE UP! you're not the only one in pain, suffering for the loss of TAIJI...crying over HIDE...I DO...WE DO SAME, BUT WE CHOSE TO STAND...

I sometimes feel so guilty cause I can dream about him...that I see HIDE smiling, that he walks with me, that I...the one who haven't lived a lifetime with him...knows HIDE better than you...that in my dreams, in my heart he lives on, transmitting same fortifying energy, same joy impulse...same naughty-playful mode. I felt sad when I read your twit "call me HIDE..." you wrote...you can't see him not cause he's not there, but because you wrap your soul in sadness, in regrets...in melancholia,

you've become in time your own enemy, you're sabotaging yourself...poor soul...have you forgotten whom you are too? where is that boy whom just like David challenged the giant Goliath with a piece of rock, had challenged the world with a pair of drum sticks?

You...the one who crawled in pain but always stood up, you the one who always carry on with the show regardless health problems...You...the one who teach us that nothing is impossible, that we can climb the Highest Mountain, that the strongest weapon a man can have is free will...YOU THE ONE WE ADMIRE THE MOST, THE ONE WE FOLLOW, THE ONE WE WISH TO BE ALIKE...what have you become ? who is this shadow, what have you done with our Yoshiki...that beautiful fool who mesmerized crowds with endurance, with Aesthetic Rock rhythm, and violent beauty...

if you chose not to stand up anymore than so will we! we'll lay with you on the pavement of music, as we are chained trough music one of another, but no matter how much you dive for self destruction I can't allow that...the day when you gave us X...it ceased to be your dream alone...YOU AND WE, have bond together to walk same path, I can't let you destroy X, because X is my life...our life, and I don't want to lose it. I love you with all heart...I love you enough to destroy whatever Yoshiki Hayashi has become so I can help Yoshiki the artist rebuild himself from scratch...and so REBORN, we can start again, and write together a new chapter in musical history. Almost 20 years of grief...ENOUGH!

let us not mourn anymore, let us celebrate their life not to stumble upon their departure any minute more...not to forget their existence in our lives...but to forgive ourselves that we go on living our dream in their physical absence. It is not your fault, neither your choice that they migrate toward other world. Stop cursing yourself ! by hurting you, we get hurt too...as WE ARE...ONE GOAL, ONE DESTINY!  If you can't stand any longer I will lend you my "will" , my spirit...my all!...I have walked in the valley of doubt too, and t often I've danced a macabre waltz with death. I'm far from being strong, but I'm eager to learn, to see, to experience more...

I've crawl toward X as wounded find of the wilderness crawls toward it's den at safety. I've let your music flowing in my veins, and I healed my crumbled soul into Endless Rain of Tears. I , too, bare scarce...maybe deeper than yours...I , too...fight daily with my own self longing for them...but not even death couldn't take away what they gave us. HIDE and TAIJI LIVE IN ME, IN YOU...IN OUR MEMORY,as long as we'd remember them.

It is time that together we try one more time to give this world something to remember, something to be unequaled trough ages, something they will once make stories for their children,about . I know there is more about Yoshiki than the Pianist or the Drummer...I never saw you as just a sexy body dude...is hilarious and irritating in same time to see how others value the Yoshiki I love, same they value a piece of meat in the market...

I love this tee so much :) 

you are more than that, you're wild like the wind blowing the Sakura petals, but soft like the summer rain in a sunny day, you stand tall like the Mountain although you're short of stature...You...you are the essence of music, and I feel your spirit stronger than everything I ever felt in my every cell. I can't let you go...I WON'T LET X FADE AWAY...after all in the end of the day I am still here for you, for X , for Rock, for HIDE, TAIJI, for myself and the others...for what WE STILL BELIEVE IN!. The only truth about yourself is that...YOU ARE A ROCK'N ROLLER, although GREATEST PIANIST EVER

...please, brother...friend...make the Rock of X more "Hard"...more "Metal" I long so much to hear a perfect blend with less classic and more reckless...more disdain, more challenging...higher speed, nearer to madness than ever, because this, this is what your heart told me,when our eyes meet in London. This is what you're longing for, tough you don't realize yet...than, maybe you could see him too, as he never left you

...if there is anyone for whom HIDE chose to stay, that would be you. Lend his power, bare his spirit inside you, and rise again,stronger than ever. Another battle is yet to be won! besides...you're not just anyone...you're not the milk man, or the post man...not even Snta Klaus although you look smashin' in red,

you are YOSHIKI OF X!

  HIDE Birthday Contest Results !

After going to bunch of useless mail and various advertisements, I have finally found those send by the contest participants...I was astonished to discover that in whole this world FIX 2 FANS LOVE HIDE ENOUGH TO GIVE HIM FEW MINUTES OF THEIR TIME...Yes..2...I had 2 brave people who participate to the contest for HIDE's Birthday...but those 2 make much more as the so many other so called fans who like HIDE just cause that is trendy on social media. I am very pleased to offer those 2 my stuff of HIDE since I know they will appreciate them as he deserve to be remembered.

Thank you guys so much, although none of you paid enough attention to what I actually asked you about LEMONed, you've both made my day with your simple participation! Tommy Naff, special thanx for scoring almost all points...I feel you deserve something more special from HIDE than the prizes I displayed before, and for this we will have a private chat where I will display your options. Vx456989...VX can I call you VX ? Very much thank you for participation, you did great job answering so close to final score you will receive as prize for your effort magazines, singles of X and a guitar pick as souvenir from HIDE. I am grateful you guys keep him in your mind and his music so deep in hearts. I will ask each one of you in private for the address where your stuff should be send . All my best wishes and Merry Christmas !!!

ANSWERS of the Contest Questions :


1 ) In November 1985, Saver Tiger band contributed the song Vampire to the Heavy Metal Force 3 sampler, which also included songs by X (Break The Darkness) and Jewel (Want you). Was first time when HIDE's and X's work was published on same compilation album. It was produced by Explosion record company in July 1985. The record was released inserted in a hand made metal case and due this reason only 800 such first release LPs were ever made

2 ) Saver Tiger changed to Saber Tiger in June/86 because a band of the same name already existed in Sapporo under the apparition of DEVIL MUST BE DRIVEN OUT WITH DEVIL sampler EP with their songs Dead Angel and Emergency Express (5 + 3)

3) Saber Tiger was disbanded in 28/01/87 around same time right before joining X , HIDE was also member of a band named Dementia ( 5+2)

4) Which song of HIDE with ZILICH made it into various American artists music album of remixes
along with well known names such as Marilyn Manson ,Ministry, Lord of Acid, and Nine Inch Nails ? The Album name was Bastard Eyes, FUCKTRACK no 6 ( 5 points )

5) The last album X Japan made and produced including HIDE as lead guitar was DHALIA realised in Nov 4^th 1996 (5 points)

6. 
   6) when was LEMONed founded...attention I do not mean the market launch of HIDE's brand store! LEMONed concept was founded in 89' as helping society for other young artists in the musical field. HIDE used to spin around where the musicians were gathering in pubs and such places and was dedicated to find/support and promote young talents such as Heath or Sugizo for example ( 5 points )
   
   
   
   7) The 1^st self produced release by X was ORGASM EP ( released April 14^th 1986) containing 2 songs and a bonus track (X). The songs are Orgasm and Time Trip Lover at that time X din not included neither HIDE nor PATA they will appear in Vanishing Vision with TAIJI, Yoshiki, and Toshi in the band format we know and love. ( 10 points worth )
   
   
   
   8) the Kurenai single of X was recorded Live with fans chorus at Hybia Amphiteather on June 10^th 1989 and was released on market on Sept 1^st 1989 after the Blue Blood Tour . (5 points )
   
   9) The 1^st solo career video tape release of HIDE was the short movie named SETH ET HOLT on VHS and LD format only , that happened on Sept 29^th 1993 (5 points)
   
   
   
   10) Blue Blood was the debut Album of X released of CBS Sony on April 21^st 1989
   (5 points )
   
   
   Those are their emails send for the contest:
   
   Tommy Naff - t_naff@yahoo.com
   5+8+5+5+5+0+10+5+5+5= 53 points
   
   
   
   
   
   
   vx456989@gmail.com
   
   thank you for participating again
   5+8+3+5+5+0+10+5+0+5= 51 points
   
   
   

Celebrating HIDE's Birthday weekend Dec 2016


It is been a while since I haven't published anything, and this happened because of too much excitement I've been trough the whole past weekend when HIDE's 52nd anniversary came along.

I need to thank this opportunity to a special friend from Singapore. Thank you Monica Lee for making this journey possible! Everything was like a dream, it took me a while to get over with. And by the way speaking of dreams, I had plenty with HIDE during his weekend.

Monica Lee at HIDE 11/12/16

I saw him everywhere from Miura Reien till Yoyogi Park, from Kawasaky till Yokosuka. I felt his presence in every corner and I was happy. Starting from 11/12/16 presents for his Birthday start to arrive for him from all the corners of the world, so it comes that on 13/12/16 in his Birthday morning, the place was packed with flowers.

when Monica placed our gifts on his grave stone, she discovers that the funky glasses were returned to HIDE. I am grateful they are back to him, Thank You!

There was no place left in front his grave stone...all the flowers in Japan were HIDE's...people keep queuing front his grave since early morning every day from 11th till 13th and upcoming days. It fill my heart with love to see how many still remember him after a lifetime since we've lost him...

at the Temple where HIDE's body was seated before cremation, on a small table, people brought pictures, gifts and little memory tokens for HIDE.

Old emotions got stir up watching them, and if tears flow countless is only because...because I wished...I wished that May 2nd will not occur again...never...if I've ever asked God something with all my heart it was that...he'd errase from Time's line a May 2nd and replace it with any other day...later on in Kawasaky people were happy everyone was raving, singing loud and proud HIDE's songs...so beautiful.

All of them so different, so strangers to each other, but they knew him...they came for him...and they sang along, being happy with him...and PATA, he turned out nearly toward the end he came from a long journey and was tiered little, but not tiered enough for HIDE. I appreciate that, I respect that, I'm grateful he came to share the happy day with us...

I know is silly but I watched PATA, his skin, his wrinkles, his smile and bonny hands...and I tried hard to imagine how...how HIDE would look like with gray hair, a bit aged...like PATA is.

I know I always told you not to go and visit HIDE's parents although I've provided you a guide from Yokosuka Chuo train station to few points reminding of HIDE...I myself didn't dare to go there never, I mean inside...I feared not to disturb, I feared I will not be able to hold my tears back...I feared not to bring more sadness, but...my friend wanted to go, so with doubt in heart I agreed. Monica went to Matsumoto's, and they were glad to have her guest. HIDE's Mom pampered my friend, and she felt so welcome there, in their home.

She visited HIDE's parents 2 times in a raw,and by the end of too much emotional meetings, she will hug his Mom promising to return.Monica showed them a picture of me from August, and they remember we've meet at HIDE's grave.

I was surprised she'd remember,but the shock was even greater when she send me a present on HIDE's Birthday morning. After 2nd visit, HIDE's Mom gave Monica 2 blue towels for me. I was amazed, confused and damn embarrass, but I accepted them...I appreciate them with all heart, tough...she didn't needed to give me anything, I wanted to give something back, not to take anything from her.

Long ago, in the day she lost her loved son,she won other lost children in return. We come from that day from all the corners of the world, to be her children price of few moments. I know that no one could replace the one who's lost...

but we've made a vow, we've promised HIDE as you'd promise to an elder brother,that we will care for his Mom. On 13th/12, Monica hug Mrs. Matsumoto in HIDE's place, with all the straight and love she could spare in her heart, his Mom gave her coffee to warm up,as she noticed that Monica's hands were icy cold.

Such a beautiful moment...Thank You, Thank You for everything. The present will be placed underneath HIDE's photo, sh he can be happy too, after all is from his Mom, therefor is his... :) .

This is the main reason for which I made the "HIDE Birthday Contest". I don't want to brake the gift chain, Mrs Matsumoto started on HIDE's Birthday, for each gift she gave me I will return 10 to HIDE, as from a younger sister to an elder brother which he is for me...

 Rally'rs was closed in the 13th evening...I understood tough. For sure Kadono spend the night in silence with a bottle of wine, remembering HIDE...we did same,

than on 14th when we hit Rally'rs everything was magic, the music, the people, the atmosphere...in a way we felt him strong, mingling with us. A bottle of celebration wine was open underneath HIDE's photo, on his favorite place in the corner, cigars were also lit and they went very fast tough, no one was smoking them as Monica lit the cigars for him alone. People were joking saying that looks like HIDE enjoy his offering :) , bless his soul...

leaving Japan is always hard, the only thing could make you feel better is the thought that soon will come the day you'd return...until that day, I will walk in my dreams from Yokosuka to Miura Kaigan, than take by foot the whole ocean side coast till Miura Reien...

like I did on August 12th when...my she broke in the middle of the road, but I wouldn't stop. I was stubborn, I insisted to walk, tough it is a free bus, tough my host told me is nearly an hour walk...tough...I drag him merciless after me trough a killing heath...I wouldn't care...not that my she brake cause of the binding glue being melted by heath...not that I walked bare foot and I took all god damn lil' stones from the freeway on my feat, nor that the asphalt was burning like hell...I felt so much joy as I came closer and closer...too much time no see...

Thank you all for still caring, for returning here to read my lame posts...for keeping HIDE in your hearts, for still singing his songs,for still spreading his works...for loving him...still.
Happy Birthday HIDE ani!

...all the flowers in Japan were HIDE's 13/12/16...

the HIDE painting is made by Chiki Natural Gothika...really talented artist of Twitter :) the paintings are exchanged periodic by the artist, and I "pet" them with love every time :) .