HIDEKI NII-san was...at We Are X
X Japan Documentary Review


4 days have gone already since I watched the Premiere of ~We Are X~ Documentary in London.

I went there like one who grew up with X Japan, hanging on their music such as a young plant is hanging on a taller tree for support. Trough all my teen age and youth the men of X were not only my models to follow, but also motivations for self-developing my own "signature" in this world.

When I found out that the Documentary was coming to London,I was at work. My colleagues saw tears in my eyes, and they gather around me for counseling.They know what X Japan, means to me and they understood my reaction,tough... I am pretty much standing in "my corner"... they know if needed, they could only reach my heart trough X Japan , by HIDE NII-san, and trough HIDE NII-san...

Poster of Psychedelic Violence, Crime of Visual Shock...from 1988 (I was 6 years old then...I could say I was born once with X Japan)

I've booked tickets for my friend and I as soon as they were on sale...and I chose the best places in the venues (I personal think that viewing a movie from the mid of the cinema room is best option :) ) than as days were passing by I become more and more anxious about the movie I waited since so long time...

I choose a pink material for HIDEKI NII-san's flag and I start sewing it, eventual ending by hand painting "my gift to HIDEKI" instead using a pre-made flag for NII-san.

I wanted to make something special for him, as a gift for a big brother from a younger sibling (again I need to specify that we are NOT BLOOD RELATED, this is simply the place I gave him in my life) .

I am far away from being a complete artist such as him, (HIDEKI NII-san)...but I've tried my best to do something worthily and respectful for HIDEKI's memory in all aspects.

I painted that flag with all the love I could leak trough my fingers from my very own heart...I closed my eyes, trying to imagine him standing in front of me, as so often comes in dreams whenever I need a dear friend the most...

Anyways, from all the poses of HIDEKI I've found in my endless researches about his musical activity over the years...this image simply "stuck" in my mind and I decided I should use it for the flag...this was the result anyways :) .

In a previous post I told you that,this August I went to visit HIDEKI NII-san's grave 5 times in a raw, even making you a visual map with google earth's help, so you can easily find HIDEKI's grave in Miura Reien. I also told you that in the last day while being in rush to reach airport I've put the incense ashes from his grave in a small box after cleaning,

than in the big rush I put the box along with my other personal items in a small bag pocket accidentally...

and that when I reached in UAE before changing for 2nd plane to Manchester...I've discovered the small box within the pocket, while searching for candies...well...

 I didn't understood "why this happened" then, but I took it home anyway and place it under one of his pictures, I've noticed the ashes still contained 2 sticks half burned with some kind of blessing...than I recall that his parents lit those sticks at his grave a day before. The prayers sticks must have been lit off and remain like that buried in the ashes from sticks lit by others, over the night...there was no way I would bin the ashes after noticing that, so I told myself that if it will pass the Custom, than maybe is meant for me to take them home.

Those are the prayer sticks, black in the beginning but after burning they become white revealing a kind of writing...when I try to touch to picture so I can research what is written they dezintegrate...

(my family always lit incense sticks beneath his picture in Sundays anyways, so I didn't even tough to much before putting the ashes in his incense jar. HIDEKI NII-san will always be granted same respect and will be honored once my deceased grandparents, may GOD rest their souls, candles and incense will be always lit in their memory without making any differential treatment )

...Anyway I didn't understood why or how this happened then...but I do now! as I said I think there was no coincidence ,but a piece of puzzle from a bigger plan...

In the night before tickets selling opening for the UK, I dreamed that HIDEKI NII-san was over excited making luggage and keep spining around in the house anxious...he had in my living-room 2 suitcases full with shiny stuff like pictures in motion, some were bright, others were gray like .

He was overexcited that he's coming to London...I asked in my dream "why?" and he replied..."because Yoshiki needs his friend, and HIDE still needs someone that will always remember"...I asked "what"and "why" several times but I was not given an answer...the dream shocked me a lot,tough he show me mostly things more twisted and complicate to understand than that...however it all become clear to me next morning, when I wake up with the news on my phone that Yoshiki will attend the premiere at London...coincidence?again will say...I don't believe in such thing...

Band X Artist from 2/ 9 /1999 featuring X Japan interview about band's "birth" in 1982 ( I was born August 10th 82, I'm dead curious...in which month/day was X Japan born, Yoshiki-chan ? )

The pain was now...how could HIDE have went to London to be there for Yoshiki so his friend would remember...whatever was to remember...I wished that at list once my grandparents and HIDEKI NII-san wouldn't give me riddle messages,I was clueless of what should I do to please his soul,and then...

page 5 same magazine ( what lovely chicks those 2...joking :) LOL )

Then it click something creepily in my mind...In the paint I've used to paint HIDEKI NII-sans flag I've sprinkled a bit of incense from his grave, hoping I could please his soul like that. Now all I needed to do was to find a way that HIDEKI will reach back to his Yoshiki...( pray to God, that NII-san's Yoshiko will never read this or else will freak out..."I hate ghosts" he said at BFI...true,but they surely love him...)

 I've been showing to my friends the flag after finishing everything and they liked it, so...confident I did a good job I wrap the flag and started my journey toward London.

My little adventure started out in Manchester from where I took a 5 hours bus ride toward the city where everything is possible, and anything could become something with bit of luck :) !

I went straight to the venue's tickets boot point and picked up my tickets for both days screenings, than the anxiety greu bigger and bigger as hours were passing by to call off the day.

We meet with Yoshiki Team of X Japan UK Street Team and as ALL DECENT FANS OF X SHOULD DO we exchanged messages signing on each other's flags as RESPECT FOR OUR X . It was first time when I've meet the other Team...

We were never rivals in fandom of X Japan, tough we work separately,they have the UK Street Team Support for X Japan and I run this blog in HIDEKI NII-san's memory. It was logical that we should merge into 1 project presentation.

Band X Artist from 2/ 9 /1999 featuring X Japan page 4

HIDEKI NII-san is Saber Tiger, Spread Beaver leader...but HE CHOSE X Japan ABOVE EVERYTHING ELSE !! and he did this when Saber Tiger was having higher rating, and better potential than X Japan who was only making their shy debut on the musical scene of the 80s, with a Metal Glam-Rock band who had almost everything...except, they didn't had HIDEKI...yet !! It is said that Yoshiki invited HIDEKI NII-san to join X and he took the challenge...NII-san was the tipe of person who loved helping/promoting other artists as well, and nothing he ever did was selfish or self centered (let us remember how much he suport Chirolyn of Spread Beaver, or SUGIZO of Luna Sea for example...SUGIZO had 21 years old, when HIDEKI NII-san start supporting him...he even back up X Japan as producer before they hit it big !!! ) .

Band X Artist from 2/ 9 /1999 featuring X Japan page 58 

He used to spin around in places where young Musicians gather, always searching to give chances to new/young/talented...under-rated...ignored by everyone else artists...such as the men of Glay for example...It is thank to him,that many of those talented V-KAI superstars we adore today had their first major musical contract...at Yoshiki's musical company...don't believe me!!! just watch the documentary or read some artists biographies...

Band X Artist from 2/ 9 /1999 featuring X Japan page 57 

I know when I start talking about X Japan I am unstoppable...but let us go back to the We Are X event...

It wasn't so hard finding the venues or obtaining our reserved tickets...actually hard to bare, was... the indifference and the ignorance of those people running BFI...first of all...SHAME TO THEM !!!

Band X Artist from 2/ 9 /1999 featuring X Japan page 59

When we asked about "We Are X" Documentary they had no idea what we are talking about.

When we mentioned X Japan and Stephen Kijak...everyone looked at us as if we came from Mars or we had bird shit all over face...really???

No one ask you to know the history of X Japan as band and musical achievements during 3 decades career.

 We didn't ask how many million records X Japan had sold out in their lifetime history...we simply ask where will be the screening room, if there is any poster/flier/any presentation or advertisement of the event of any kind...and surprisingly the answer was NO!!!

...NO they didn't knew what we are talking about ! NO they had no interest to look trough the screening list and see what the hell is the meaning of that title in there ! NO they did not give a damn to guide us in any way...

Band X Artist from 2/ 9 /1999 featuring X Japan page 60

Do you have any idea what means for a fan of X Japan to find as Documentary description a tiny copy paste article which can barely make you interested at list ???

 Have you guys seen the posters from NYC metro station? Have you seen the posters presenting the Documentary at the Venue in Moscow ??? Why not in UK too ?

  ...why Britain, why???

For GOD's name we are talking about a band that achieved the impossible in the musical field. About pioneers of a musical movement which unites Glam,Punk,Metal...and classic music unde a generic name VISUAL KEI (inspired by their major Psychedelic Violence Tour, Crime Of Visual Shock )

Yes they did it all !...this visual madness of color,crazy/oversize hair stile and flamboyant suits wore by gorgeous men, stage perfectly androgyny...

It is their "fault" so..."blame" on them all those "men in dresses" your daughter loves till extreme fandom today...and you don't get it...

Band X Artist from 2/ 9 /1999 featuring X Japan page 2

Those 5 (actually the are 7 X if counting the 2 Immortals ), skinny,frail, bold, extravagant, eccentric beautiful men, who tore in pieces everything we knew about music, twisting and building a world of magic and star dust in front of our eyes,

are the ones who crushed down the boundaries between cultural, musical,religious,language gaps...re-building upon ruins of indifference an empire of dreams, hope and trust in better days, better music...pure art. It is painful that all I could find about X was that tiny article...and tough I was disappointed of the way BFI managed the whole thing, I decided that nothing could stop my joy! so I merged in the crowd from in front of Prince Charles's venue, hoping that lots of those who respect HIDEKI NII-san's work will sign on his flag.

My heart's beats intensify as we were waiting at the venue's doors...I spread HIDEKI NII-san's flag on the floor, being so happy that others who appreciate HIDEKI NII-san finally did came and signed his flag, and soon enough...before realizing, my Hideto received the company of another 2 plushies, 1 Alpaca and Yoshikitty obviously :) . Isn't that a lovely " Family Picture? "

 As I entered in the screening room and occupied my seat, I become even more anxious to see the movie...expecting that from moment to moment to see in front of me big brother Yoshiki talking about the Documentary, but he didn't come forward till the movie ended...(I'm not complaining tough, I confused him with a question at Q&A, and other remarks afterwords...all video documented LOL...I wouldn't be worthily of HIDEKI NII-san if wouldn't teased him bit...however keeping friendly/polite boundaries at high standards...NII-san would have been soo proud :)... )

Finally Stephen Kijak is presented and invited on the stage...back then, I didn't knew who was that man on the stage, in fact it was first time when I ever heard about him. (now I do know more, I admit! cause after having private chats 2 nights in a raw, I had the decency to "dig up" a bit in his past performances)...

in a strange way this man won my admiration talking so respectful about HIDEKI NII-san, I guess that's why I felt comfortable enough to even chat him 2ce. Stephen Kijak is damn popular and open for a famous dude :) !

Stephen Kijak with the Yoshiki Team UK :) . Thank you Stephen, the girls were super Happy :) !

I don't know how people see/saw him, but for us... he will always be the one who brought us...We Are X...and for this thing alone we will always be grateful. His name will be tag along our Legendary Band since now on...

I guess Stephen Kijak never expected that when he'll take the job, to do this documentary will be no longer a simple movie director anymore but the one who brought us the X film becoming one with us...He came to us, as a new born comes into this world...without any knowledge (about what X Japan really is ), with a mind clear of any pre-concepts related with band's tragedies and joyful moments,stile or impact in music and our lives worldwide...and this help a lot! because coming as an outsider he succeeded to create in a very artistically objective way, a genuine core of X Japan's life and death story. Within less than 2 hours it captured the essence of a shocking musical evolution and demise...summarizing over 30 years of struggle/success and tragedies in the Visual Scene of this band with dramatic destiny.

That is Kay from UK X Japan Street Team and I am signing their flag :)

 Since that night I look upon this man with respect, pride and endless gratitude, as he is no longer a stranger, but member of our big X family...


With all this mixed feelings ravishing my soul and highest level of adrenaline pumping in my heart...Finally the most awaited moment of the evening arrives.

The lights are fading out and the movie begins...

The Documentary starts in force with Yoshiki's voice saying some deep impact phrases such as " Who I am"..." What Am I doing Here...." and "I was searching a reason to die"...I think that the last phrase is the most epic one...it stuck in my head  mesmerizing me, I keep hearing it in my ears over and over again...while the intro phrase is being said, in the images we're watching we are presented an God Like image of Yoshiki with wings on his back, that image was so discrepant with what he was saying...him, the GOD OF ROCK showing in fact a mortal side of thinking ?...and since that moment till the movie ended...all the way I was visual shocked, all the way I was in tears as his voice vibes stir all my emotions in a chaotic mixture...couldn't stop shaking...

Poster/flier presenting Crime Of Visual Shock aka fist time use of Visual Kei term...

What it hit me the most was, that in this movie most of the people expected to

see a Superstar like attitude dude talking very cool about events and miles stones in band's career and few cuts from old videos playing over and over again...But what none of us ever expected to see regardless we are fans or no, was a Yoshiki..."soul naked" ,so sincere,so popular, so genuine, an electric vibe of such pure fragility coming from a man so strong...It was mind blowing...

Without showing off with his musical royal status, he open for us a door to his soul...and this frightened me!...because what I saw in front of me it was not a man of vanity, suffering of grandomania as waaayyy too many others...I saw a human being,a man with scarce soul,a man who has pain as permanent friend but who somehow managed to emerge above all and everything...Hearing him talking it was as if I could sense his wounds bleeding open...real tears...no special effects, no Hollywood cheap drama...and yes we felt that...yes we cry and laugh with him...

I've been watching his facial expressions during the whole movie, trying to understand where this man finds his straight to go on after being pinned on the floor by life itself over and over again, but I found no logic explanation...

Than I stop watching him...and started listening...

His life tragedy started with his father suicide...When I heard him talking about the incident, I felt as if I live again my own childhood drama...we...all X fans bare scarce, deeper or more superficial some, after all, this is what it brings us together...

But there was a glimpse of joy in his eyes when he talk about Toshi . At list in this whole chaotic world spinning around X Japan, Yoshiki has a friend like Toshi...which no matter how much mistakes against our Kitty, the band and himself...will always be the one for whom Yoshiki struggles with his own nature and emotions not to discard from his life.

When TAIJI is being fired for a great wrong that Yoshiki will not talk about, out of respect for the one who was THE BEST JAPANESE BASIST AT ALL TIMES, 

we see Yoshiki braking up in pieces and crying.

 While him and TAIJI leave stage of life in different directions...an era of beauty and aesthetically violence ends in X Japan's existence.

 Once with TAIJI, X Japan lost something precious...irreplaceable almost like a watermark prof.

As many have acknowledged, TAIJI was THE BASIST who made them, the Japanese people PROUD , and Yoshiki knew that, yet he still stands firm on his position...(tough whatever TAIJI mistake against Yoshiki, I bet he still stay in his heart ever since ) Yoshiki is the tipe of artist who exhaust himself on stage, giving everything to his fans...

feeding his soul with their love, recharging with their energetic cheers,he is above all a survivor against odds, but what made all of us laugh was what PATA shockingly said, when he was asked if he wasn't afraid of losing Yoshiki for heaving so fragile health..."NO HE ISN'T THAT FRAGILE, YOSHIKI IS STRONGER THAN HE THINKS"

and when this comes from a man that knows Yoshiki that good, you must believe him !
 
The movie continues with the lost of HIDEKI NII-san point when I totally brake down in tears, as I was NEVER ABLE TO WATCH anything related with "HIDE DIED"

I saw Yoshiki crying too while re-living again those shockingly moments of despair, when while in the plain it is notified that HIDE IS NO MORE...I saw between tears the speech at the airport arrival in that sad day...and I almost twisted my friend's hand...that hard I grab it...

the emotions emerged from my heart so violent I couldn't hold them back any longer. I allow his emotions flow into my veins as his music flow in my heart, ever since I remember...the list of tragedy continued with separation between Yoshiki-Toshi and X Japan falling to hiatus...I watched than Yoshiki talking about re-gaining back everything, his friend, his dreams...his X...and I start believing in impossible...When the movie ended I cheered for the great story which leave a door open to hope in reaching out the unreachable...If he can, so could I /we/ you/them...yes!...

IT WAS A STORY, BUT NOT A TALE, it was a movie but NO ONE WAS ACTING...the main star was absent...it is not a self centrate story depicting Yoshiki the Super Rock Star...is more like the recording of a commune destiny of X Japan members and fans...so if you decide to go and watch it, don't go to see it for the best script...there is none! no well known actor has the main part, neither the most experienced comedian is leading a clown show...you will simply see a man who opens his soul being aware that his sincerity could be anytime used against him...yet is strong enough to do it, assuming whatever might come after...We Are X, is after me the late explanation for what he meant trough...ART OF LIFE.

 Death surrounded X Japan many times, enfolding them within wings of despair...but they chose Life over everything . They chose to go on for us, with us, in a perfect symbiosis. X Japan is not a cult, nor the members of band are disciples...tough trough their music you can "dry your tears with love" and release your soul against world, as WE ARE...Born To Be Free...Now And Forever...WE ARE X !

( If you don't know yet what Art Of Life is...kindly google Art Of Life Lyrics before, and only than listen https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrc2M7cNPWk , in a way it will help you a lot to understand We Are X documentary :) )